Thank Heavens for Single Moms
No one ever gets married to be single. No one said being a mom is easy, especially a solo parent. Parenting has its’ challenges, even with two parents, a mom, and a dad. Life is frequently messy, and we don’t have all the answers. I got married with the intention of my happy ever after with my sweetheart. Sean was killed in an auto accident in May 2011.
After the funeral, and people went home, and the flowers died. Night after night tucking the kids in by myself asking questions I didn’t have the answers too. How can I go on? How am I going to survive to raise the kids alone? I was full of self-doubt and heartbroken. I felt so empty and sad inside. I had a lot of sleepless night and tears. I lied down in bed at night, exhausted for the demands of the day. Fear crept in my mind. When I had to give up our dream home, I felt like a failure. I didn’t know how to put the pieces of our broken lives back together. The months that followed were a blur. Then months turned into years. I was living life on autopilot. Going through the motion but not really living fully.
Juggling kids, homework, grades, cheer practice, dinner, chores, and getting them to put on pants before leaving the house and brush their hair. Going to work, struggling to make ends meet and keep our heads above water. I began the process of shifting my mindset.
In the beginning, I looked for answers outside of myself. I don’t know what I was waiting for? Someone to rescue me or give me answers.. Help came, but not in the way I was expecting. Angels came in the form of other single mothers. New friends began emerging from all walks of life. Our paths were all so different, but we ended up altogether. I became more open and started to see things more clearly for the first time in years. When I became happier, so did my kids. The dark clouds began parting, and the sun started to shine again, I stopped sweating the “small stuff” and focused on the bigger picture. The lens of grief has a profound effect on changing the way you see things.
My single mom friends brought laughter, came with wine or coffee depending on the time of day, tissues, food, sweat pants, ponytails, cuss words, real talk, no makeup, and no expectations. Just laughter, twisted humor, and fun which was so desperately needed. We were all in the same boat, but different canoes. It felt so good having someone I could relate to and knowing I wasn’t crazy, but that life was crazy with its twists and turns. I didn’t have it all figured out and that was OK.
3 Tips for Surviving Solo-Parenting & Keeping Your Sanity Intact
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Find Your Tribe – Find other single parents going through the same shifts
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Laugh – Life can be hard & messy. Crying or laughing – Trust me, laughter is better. Crying will give you a headache.
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Everything is figureoutable… ( yes I made that word up ) – Often painful endings are disguised as new beginnings. Give it time, a new path will appear.
The best days were often spent at the lake on float beds with all the kids in tow, playing in the water, sand, music in the background. I look back, and my prayers were answered. It was what I needed. A day at the lake was doing absolutely nothing! No schedule, no demands, just a day at the lake with my besties and kids. Laughing, joking, be silly, be weird, having fun, letting my hair down, let it all go, and most importantly I let in the sunshine. Holy Shifts were happening, and it felt fantastic. I felt alive again. In the photo I’m in the middle, my little sister Telly is on my right, and Amy is on my left. My single moms and besties have always been by my side through this crazy messy journey we call life. Thank Heavens for Single Moms!
Resources for Widows
Modern Widows Club – Empowering Widows to Thrive
Get Your Shit Together – Author of What Matters Most
One Fit Widow – Healing After Loss of a Loved One
Alliance Of Hope – For Suicide Survivors
Soaring Spirits – A Non-Denominational Place for Healing
Second Firsts – A Scientific Process to Releasing Pain
Resources for Single Moms
Government Assistance for Single Moms
Resources for Singles and Dating Again
DatingSafe Blog – Resource for Singles
Noonlight App – You’re Silent Wingman/ 911 Feature
Why Is Dating Such a Challenge – Psychology Today
Kimberly Seltzer – Dating & Makeover Expert
Love In 90 Days – Dr Diana Kirschner
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