I was going through a very low point in my life. It was a very dark and sad time for me and my four kids. I had no desire to celebrate Christmas, put up a tree, decorate, hang the stockings, and put on a fake smile to mask the pain I felt deep inside. My youngest said,” But Mom, Daddy would want us to celebrate. He’s with Jesus.” That statement made me come undone. Every ornament and Christmas song broke my heart repeatedly. It made me more aware more than I’ve ever been in my entire life and I finally got it! Christmas is about the people we love and not about the gifts.
That first Christmas after Sean died felt bleak. I couldn’t see the “REAL GIFTS” that I still had that were sitting right in front of me. I was only focused on what I was missing and what I lacked. I had just laid the kids down and was so worn out from the day. Trying to be the perfect mom, the perfect parent and tried hard to make up for the lack in their lives. I knew the way wasn’t about buying more crap we didn’t need or even want. I was sitting quietly after the kids had gone to bed, I was exhausted to the bone. I was worried truth be told about keeping the lights on, house warm, buying food, making ends meet, the bills that kept piling up and I honestly didn’t know how I was going to pay them. Earlier in the week, I had received a foreclosure notice. I was so exhausted and didn’t know how I was going to make it.